Traumatic Brain Injury and Energy

Hello and welcome back to Second Chance to Live. I am happy you decided to stop by and visit with me. Several days ago I published a post, Traumatic Brain Injury and the Power of Commitment. With in that article I used several metaphors to illustrate the journey and the power of commitment. On my journey through the power of commitment I have learned some valuable lessons as those lessons have pertained to the power of commitment.

In my experience I needed to clear the channels of my spiritual and emotional energy. I needed to come out of my denial system so that I could begin to heal in my body, soul and spirit.

One of the essential ingredients in my recovery process has involved the process of learning to redirect my spiritual and emotional energy. Let me explain. In my experience I have come to understand that my emotions have the capacity to harness huge amounts of energy. The energy from those emotions can either be used to enhance or hinder my recovery process. With my awareness, I have discovered that I can choose to channel my spiritual and emotional energy in ways that work to enhance my recovery process.

I can choose to thrive through my recovery process by identifying how my spiritual and emotional energy resources are being used.

Through my process I discovered that I was using huge amounts of spiritual and emotional energy to defend a denial system that was in effect invalidating my reality. Instead of enhancing my recovery process through my spiritual and emotional energy I was conditioned to use my energy to invalidate my reality. Over time I bought into the notion that my reality was a lie and the denial system was real. What made matters worse, was that I developed limiting beliefs and behaviors.

In my deception I used my spiritual and emotional energy to develop and maintain limiting beliefs and behaviors to sustain the denial system.

In my experience I reached a spiritual and emotional bottom that led to an awareness. My awareness showed me that I needed to stop sabotaging myself. I needed to challenge my limiting beliefs. I needed to stop practicing limiting behaviors. I needed to confront the belief system that was in essence blocking my recovery process. I then needed to begin practicing new behaviors to empower my recovery process. I needed to take the necessary action steps to open the channels that had been clogged by the denial system.

I needed to learn how to use my spiritual and emotional energy to enhance my recovery process. I needed to accept and own my reality.

All material presented on Second Chance to Live is copyright and cannot be copied, reproduced, or distributed in any way without the express, written consent of Craig J. Phillips, MRC, BA

Traumatic Brain Injury and the Power of Commitment — Part 2

For context please read Traumatic Brain Injury and the Power of Commitment — Part 1

Today’s Thought

You may have a desire to improve in your physical rehabilitation or in some other area of your recovery process. You may want to accomplish other goals that presently seem to be insurmountable. Consequently you may feel overwhelmed by the distance of your journey — in order to accomplish those goals. My encouragement to you my friend is to not give up on your process.

In my experience I have found that the journey of a thousand miles begins with the first step.

I have heard the question asked, “How do you eat an elephant?” The immensity of the elephant can appear to be overwhelming. Rather than being discouraged I can choose to look for a solution. The impossible becomes attainable when I follow the principle that is found in the answer to that question, “One bite at a time.” When I view my elephant, such as improving a tornado kick through manageable through bites, I find the encouragement to keep chewing. You may view your elephant as overwhelming and daunting. You may have asked yourself the question, “What is the point?” The elephant is just too big.

My encouragement to you my friend is to work with your therapist and find drills that will improve your skill. You may also need to find other individuals to help you with your elephants. As you stay committed to your process the immensity of your elephant will be reduced to bones and you will grow stronger with each bite. Before long, what you may now see as insurmountable will become manageable. Before long you will be able to look back and see how far you have come in your process.

In Closing

In my experience, I have learned to respect the elephant (s) that become evident in my life. The good news is that I no longer need to be intimidated by the size of those elephants. Instead I can look for strategies that will work for me, so that I can be empowered to pursue my passions and in the process become of maximum service to both God and my fellows. My experience has also taught me that I do not have to be alone on my journey. I can ask for help to deal with my elephants. Consequently, I know that I can trust the process, a loving God and my ability to learn from the process.

Be encouraged my friend.

All material presented on Second Chance to Live is copyright and cannot be copied, reproduced, or distributed in any way without the express, written consent of Craig J. Phillips, MRC, BA

Traumatic Brain Injury and the Power of Commitment — Part 1

Hi, and welcome back to Second Chance to Live. You are always welcome at my table. I have been thinking about the idea of progress. In times past I have allowed myself to be distracted by the destination. Consequently, I have not been able to see the value of the process. I have found myself balking at the process because I had already decided that I could not possibly reach the destination. In essence I was reluctant to start some projects or to pursue some goals because I did not believe that I could reach those destinations or the goals.

In the process I sabotaged what could be because I convinced myself that the destination or goal could not possibly be reached. Consequently I allowed the fear of failure to stand in my way.

As I have shared in some of my previous posts, I am a student of the martial arts. I have learned various valuable lessons through my training in the martial arts, however one particular lesson has had a profound impact upon my life. That particular lesson taught me to focus on the process rather than on the destination. Through my process I have been able to slowly let go of the notion that my value is tied to the destination. I have also come to realize that I do not have to do things perfectly. Instead I have grown to appreciate that with all new learning; there is a learning curve.

Per my experience, I will share how the above lesson has helped me while training at the martial arts school. During one of my classes — at the school — my Sensei (Instructor) had the brown and black belts drill round kicks, followed by tornado kicks. The drill consisted of two students working as a team. While one student held a focus pad, the other student executed a round kick that was immediately followed by a tornado kick. As we went back and forth drilling these kicks, my confidence grew with my ability to execute the combination of kicks with height and accuracy.

I was particularly encouraged by the progress I made because I have not always been able to execute a round kick followed by a tornado kick. A tornado kick is likened to a spinning crescent kick, which requires coordination, agility and timing.

I use the above illustration, not to draw attention to my ability, but to convey a principle. When I first started training at the martial arts school I had a limited amount of coordination. In addition to my limited coordination, my lack of balance and leg strength handicapped my ability to perform any kicks, much less a tornado kick. As I watched more advanced students demonstrate tornado kicks I was amazed by their grace and agility. When I attempted to mimic the ability of the advanced students I looked and felt extremely clumsy. What became apparent was that I lacked the leg strength, balance, coordination and muscle memory required to perform a tornado kick.

I had not yet developed the necessary leg strength, balance, coordination and muscle memory required to execute the complexities of a tornado kick. Rather than becoming discouraged and despondent I made a decision to develop my leg strength and muscle memory.

Because of my limitations and deficits I knew I needed to spend additional time and attention to drilling and practicing the movements needed to perform a tornado kick. Through my decision I decided to drill and drill again and then drill some more. I also realized that I needed to spend more time at the Y to develop my leg strength in order to improve and enhance my balance. With my commitment and over a period of time my skill increased and my legs grew stronger. Consequently, my balance increased and my coordination improved.

My progress did not come over night, but my determination and commitment to succeed empowered my process.

The combination of drilling my kicks and increasing my leg strength significantly enhanced my ability to execute tornado kicks. I am not suggesting that the execution of my tornado kicks is without flaw, but I do know that I am now able to execute a tornado kick. What initially appeared to be insurmountable became attainable because I followed the principle of progress over perfection. Because I focused on the process, rather than on the destination I was able to enjoy the process. Please read Part 2

All material presented on Second Chance to Live is copyright and cannot be copied, reproduced, or distributed in any way without the express, written consent of Craig J. Phillips, MRC, BA

Traumatic Brain Injury and the Interview

Hi and welcome back to Second Chance to Live my friend. I am happy to see that you decided to stop by and visit with me. Yesterday I was given a wonderful opportunity. The opportunity became possible through the kindness of several friends that I have met through Second Chance to Live. My friend Ron Graham of Access Ability put me in touch with Lon Thornburg of No Limits 2 Learning.

Subsequent to my making contact with Lon he asked if he could interview me. To make a long story short, Lon and I worked out the particulars and yesterday — May 9 — Lon interviewed me on Blog Talk Radio. I am very thankful to have had the opportunity to be interviewed by Lon and to be able to share the message of Second Chance to Live with the audience.

Although I was initially nervous at the beginning of the interview, as the interview evolved I became more comfortable. I am so very grateful for the opportunity that Lon gave me. Thank you Lon. You are a blessing to me Sir.

In the event that you would like to listen to the interview, please click on the link Interview. I also have a link to the Interview in My Blogroll, which is located in the left sidebar of Second Chance to Live.

Thank you for your time and kindness my friend.

Have a simply amazing day.

Craig

All material presented on Second Chance to Live is copyright and cannot be copied, reproduced, or distributed in any way without the express, written consent of Craig J. Phillips, MRC, BA

Traumatic Brain Injury and Yes

Hi and welcome back to Second Chance to Live my friend. I am glad you decided to stop by and visit with me. You are always welcome around my table. As a person living with an invisible disability, I have had my share –and then some — of disappointments. For many years, I allowed a two-letter word to profoundly influence my life. I allowed NO to keep me stuck, until I realized what NO was doing to me. When I saw NO for what it was, a two-letter word that wanted me to fail, I decide to start saying YES to myself.

When I started saying YES to myself, my whole life slowly began to change for the better. YES began to change me from the inside out. YES introduced me to a whole new way of living. YES gave and continues to give me the permission to be myself. YES, shows me that I can be secure. YES helps me to see abundance and grace. YES opens my eyes to see the possibilities. YES encourages me to not give up on my process. YES encourages me to use my creative energy in ways that work for me. YES helps me to accept myself. YES celebrates me in my being. YES teaches me to trust. YES teaches me to learn.

YES helps me to see life in colors, rather than in merely black and white. YES frees me from an all or nothing way of thinking. YES releases me from rigidity. YES enhances who I am in this life because I am free to be me. YES gives me the ability to understand and grasp the complex. YES helps me to connect my head to my heart. YES draws me to the Flame of life. YES motivates me to live life on life’s terms. YES gives me courage. YES empowers my process. YES opens doors for me that would have otherwise remained closed. YES encourages me to think outside of the box. YES delivers me from fear.

YES gives me hope. YES motivates me to dream.

If you advance confidently in the direction of your dreams and endeavor to live the life you have imagined… you will meet with a success unexpected in common hours. Henry David Thoreau

All material presented on Second Chance to Live is copyright and cannot be copied, reproduced, or distributed in any way without the express, written consent of Craig J. Phillips, MRC, BA

Traumatic Brain Injury and Acceptance

Hi and welcome back to Second Chance to Live my friends. I am so happy to see that you decided to stop by and visit with me. You are always welcome around my table. I have been thinking about the topic of empowerment. In some of my previous posts that I have published on Second Chance to Live I have mentioned that for many years I felt like a man all dressed up with no where to go.

Although I had diligently applied myself to prepare myself to be of service to my fellows, no one seemed to want what I had to give. I found myself being hired and then fired from one job after another, my longest lasting only 16 months. With each termination I experienced frustration and anguish. The invisible nature of my disability kept me in a state of bewilderment. The cycle of my employment / unemployment lasted for 20 years.

Consequently, I experienced ongoing financial instability / insecurity. Out of desperation I applied for SSDI, but was denied. Approximately 1 year later I reapplied for SSDI but again the SSA denied my application. Several years later, after being terminated from yet another job I re-applied for SSDI. I also applied to begin receiving services through the department of vocational rehabilitation.

To make a long story short my caseworker with the department of vocational rehabilitation determined that I was unemployable. Shortly thereafter my application was approved for SSDI and I began receiving benefits.

For the next 6-7 years I remained discouraged and despondent because I continued to buy into a denial system that told me I “should not” be impacted by my “head injury”. The subsequent messages of denial left me in a state of shame and guilt, because I bought into the notion that “if I just tried hard enough I would not be disabled”. The insidious insinuation of denial led me to believe that I should be able to change the unchangeable.

Consequently, I continued to wrestle with myself in the face of denial until I realized what I was doing to myself.

Through my struggle I have come to accept my reality. I have come to recognize the insidious nature of the denial system that I had bought into for many years. With my acceptance I have come to realize that I needed to stop fighting against myself. I needed to break free from the imposed snare that denial had placed upon my life. I needed to stop defending a denial system that had kept me entrapped for many years. I needed to accept my reality. I needed to learn how to accept myself.

When I stopped fighting against myself, I was able to develop my gifts, talents and abilities. The energy that I once used to defend my denial was released to foster my passion.

With my acceptance I have discovered that I no longer need to defend any denial system. Instead, I am free to use my gifts, talents and abilities in ways that work for me. My passion — once entrapped by denial– is now free to fly like a bird that has been released from a cage. In my freedom I am learning how to use what has been given to me. I am learning how to channel my passions in ways that work for me. I am learning how to pursue my destiny. I am learning how to be me.

When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one, which has been opened for us.    Helen Keller

All material presented on Second Chance to Live is copyright and cannot be copied, reproduced, or distributed in any way without the express, written consent of Craig J. Phillips, MRC, BA

Second Chance to Live and Public Speaking

My message is to motivate, encourage and empower people with and with out disabilities to consider the possibilities. My diverse academic and hands on experience with in the fields of nursing, physical education, theology, counseling and with in both the funeral and cemetery industries equip me with the ability to speak to a wide range of topics as they relate to living life on life’s terms. Second Chance to Live incorporates my experience, strength and hope.

As a traumatic brain injury survivor and a master’s level rehabilitation counselor who has lived with an invisible disability for over 40 years I bring a fresh and unique perspective to any audience.

I believe that our circumstances are not meant to keep us down, but they are meant to build us up. I believe our circumstances provide the learning environment that teaches you and I lessons. As we learn from those lessons we gain experience. Our experiences prepare you and I to take advantage of the opportunities that become available to us. I believe those opportunities in turn prepare you and I to take advantage of future opportunities. Collectively, I believe our opportunities point us in the direction of our destinies.

Please read my post, Following your bliss…regardless

I am available to speak at your church, conference or convention. Please leave a comment or a confidential email and I will be in touch with you. I look forward to being a part of your vision.

Have a simply phenomenal day.

Craig J. Phillips MRC, BA
Second Chance to Live

Our circumstances are not meant to keep us down, but they are meant to build us up!

All material presented on Second Chance to Live is copyright and cannot be copied, reproduced, or distributed in any way without the express, written consent of Craig J. Phillips, MRC, BA

Endorsements / Testimonials

Endorsement

Spring, 2008To Whom It May Concern:

This open letter endorses the powerful message Mr. Craig Phillips, MRC, BA, eloquently writes about as creator and author of the website, Second Chance to Live, (http://secondchancetolive.wordpress.com/), and speaks about as an advocate and motivational speaker for people living with brain injury. Hinds’ Feet Farm is thankful that Mr. Phillips is part of our innovative, post-rehabilitation, community-based, day program as a contributing educator to our community.

The Hinds’ Feet Farm Day Program is a paradigm shift from the traditional medical, treatment, model for people living with brain injury, to a model that embraces a holistic health and wellness orientation, empowering members toward occupation and meaning in life post injury. Hinds’ Feet Farm is a person-centered, member empowered, self-determined, free choice, conceptualized and driven program. Members are self governing through the fluidity of the program by self-designing opportunities to engage in reestablishing and empowering occupation. Program staff, family and professional caregivers, in-kind community volunteers and student interns are guides for members in opportunities for exploration, discovery, confidence and self-esteem in their new identity and meaning in life post-injury.

Hinds’ Feet Farm initially invited Mr. Phillips to be a one time, guest speaker at our program. However, after hearing his message of hope and inspiration, members of our brain injury community wanted to hear more of how they too could embrace a second chance to live. With the driving force of triumph and celebration of the human spirit post brain injury, Mr. Phillips joins us monthly to share his life’s wisdom. Mr. Phillips’ is a peer mentor and life coach cheering our members on towards greater life fulfillment.

Mr. Phillips has a unique role in the local brain injury community of Charlotte, NC, and internationally, as a person living with a brain injury and as a professional in the rehabilitation counseling field. He knows first hand the brain injury continuum of care both as survivor and now as a “thrivor”, and also as an employment and psychological counselor. This dual role empowers Mr. Phillips to immediately identify with survivors and professionals simultaneously.

Mr. Phillips tailors each of his monthly session to our community’s needs and based on his blog postings, such as The Flight of the Butterfly, Traumatic Brain Injury and Isolation, What is my Destiny?. Mr. Phillips invites the members of our brain injury community toward a greater quality of life and their own second chance to live through well formatted presentations, opportunities for introspection to rediscovering one’s mission and vision in life through meaning and purpose, employing professional counseling skills, harnessing the power of group dynamics and process. Ever sensitive to and conscientious of his audience, Mr. Phillips welcomes the immediacy of feedback and lively dialogue. Mr. Phillips’ heartfelt message is masterfully crafted, awakens his audience to “carpe diem,” to pursue our dreams, and to live life to the fullest.

Hinds’ Feet Farm endorses and appreciates Mr. Phillips’ message that invites and empowers persons living with brain injury toward their own health and balance in their life journey. We are thankful for our reciprocal relationship with Mr. Phillips. Thank you Craig!

Please feel free to contact me if I can be of further assistance.

Sincerely,

Martin B. Foil III, CBIS
Executive Director

William P. DeGrauw, MS, CRC, CCM, CBIS
Day Program Director

Mailing Address: P.O. Box 2842, Street Address: 14625 Black Farms Road Huntersville, NC, 28070-2842 Office (704) 992-1424 Fax (704) 992-1423 www.HindsFeetFarm.org

Testimonial

Lori aka: RisibleGirl

http://www.mostlyrisible.com wrote:

This guy is simply awesome

I found my way to the “Second Chance to Live” site while doing searches on traumatic brain injury. The author of the site, Craig J. Phillips, is nothing short of an inspiration to me.

I think that anyone can benefit from his posts, whether it’s someone with TBI or another chronic illness. It is not an exaggeration to say that I always take time to savor what I’ve just read after reading one of his latest posts.

I especially appreciate that he knows what having TBI is like and oftentimes his posts are something that I really needed to read right at that moment.

As I previously wrote- even if you don’t have TBI, I think anyone can benefit from his posts. He’s somehow able show me rainbows while acknowledging the dark clouds. I can’t think of any other way to describe it.

That’s an awesome gift.

Second Chance to Live – Action Steps

Hello and welcome back to Second Chance to Live my friend. I am happy to see that you decided to stop by to visit with me. You are always welcome around my table. In my experience, I have found that I determine how I choose to experience my life. I am not saying that I am able to control people, places and events because I am not. To think that I have the power to change people, places and things is foolishness. With my awareness I have come to realize that having control or asserting control is merely an illusion of power.

When I let go of the illusion of control I am able to accept that I am powerless over people, places and things. As I practice the power of acceptance new doors are opened to me. When I admit my powerlessness I am able to admit my limitations. Through admitting that I have limitations I discover that I am not helpless. When I realized that I was not helpless — in my process — I had a spiritual awakening. Because I am not helpless I am able to take action steps. These action steps enable me to accept the things that I can not change, to change the things that I can and in the process learn to distinguish the difference between what I can and what I can not change.

Through my process I have grown to trust a power greater than myself. Consequently, I have made a decision to turn my will and my life over to the care of that power. In the process I made the decision to become a proactive participant in my life. Subsequently, I have been empowered to change the things that I can. As a proactive participant in my life the obvious became apparent. I needed to change my attitudes and the perspective (s) that I placed on my experiences. I needed to be honest with myself. I needed to be accountable to myself. I needed to keep the focus upon myself. I needed to take a fearless moral inventory of myself, not to berate who I am but to free the negative energy of my defects of character.

Through my process, I discovered that my defects of character were in essence the defense mechanisms that I used to protect myself over time. Through examining my motives and by being honest with myself I began to realize that my defense mechanisms were no longer serving me or enhancing my relationships. In actuality, I found that my defense mechanisms were hindering my ability to truly live my life. Through being honest with myself I was slowly able to come out of hiding. My isolation was broken when I met with my sponsor and shared what I discovered about myself. As I trusted the process and shared my story I discovered that I was not terminally unique. As my sponsor listened without judgment I began to learn to trust again. In my trust I became willing to have my defects of character removed.

In the next action step I humbly asked the God of my understanding to remove my character defects.

My next action step involved making a list of the persons that I had harmed through out my lifetime. I placed myself on that list. Next I became willing to make direct amends to such people whenever possible, except when to do so would injure them or other people. In my process I shared such amends with my sponsor before I attempted to make amends to those individuals. In the next action step I made a decision to continue to be honest with myself and in the process keep my side of the street clean by continuing to make direct amends. Next I made a decision to trust again by praying for the knowledge of God’s will for me and the power to carry that out – on a daily basis.

In the final action step – as a result of completing the previous action steps – I had and continue to have spiritual awakenings. Consequently I am motivated to share my experience, strength and hope as I have the opportunity. My spiritual awakening (s) also inspire (s) me to practice the principles of 12 action steps in all my affairs.

In the spirit of sharing the power of these action steps I have compiled a synthesis of the action steps. I will include that list below. If you have any questions, please do not hesitate to contact me through a comment or a confidential email.

Synosis of the 12 Action Steps

1- You may be powerless over many things but you are not helpless. Although your life may seem unmanageable now, you no longer need to feel like a victim.
2- You do not have to be alone anymore to figure it out on your own.
3- By making the decision to turn your will and your life over to the care of a power greater than your self, you will find an unlimited source of encouragement and power.
4- You can find out what you have been doing to sabotage your life. You do not have to keep shooting yourself in the foot of life.
5- You no longer need to hide in the shadows. You can trust the process. By admitting to God, to yourself and to another human being the exact nature of your wrongs, you can find freedom. You can make peace with both God and with yourself.
6- You can become entirely ready to have your defects of character removed. Be encouraged my friend.
7- You can be actively involved in the process of having your defects of character removed by humbly asking God to remove your shortcomings.
8- By making, a list of the people you have harmed (that you have gleaned through completing your 4th action step) you become willing to make direct amends to them all.
9- You make direct amends (once you have completed the first 8 action steps and you have talked with your sponsor) to the people to whom you have harmed. Consequently you can make peace with your fellows, and in the process make peace with yourself. You can be released from the burden of guilt and shame.
10- On a daily basis, you continue to take a personal inventory and when you are wrong you promptly admit that wrong to the person (s) that you have harmed. You continue to be accountable to and for your self. You choose to keep your side of the street clean.
11- You do not have to live life each day by yourself. You can rely on a power greater than your self to guide and direct your steps. You don’t have to lean on your own understanding. You can pray for the knowledge of God’s will for you and the power to carry that out. You can trust the process, a loving God and your ability to learn from the process.
12- Having had a spiritual awakening as a result of working these 12 action steps you attempt to carry the message of the 12 action steps to others and continue to practice the principles of the 12 action steps in all your affairs.

Note: The 12 action steps are not punitive in nature, but are instead to be used as a tool to empower the individual to live life on life’s terms. The 12 action steps by nature are meant to free the individual of self-defeating behaviors so as to empower the individual to be of maximum service to God and to their fellows.

In the original text the 12 Steps adapted from the 12 Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous has written “We” where I have written “You”. I have used you instead of we to emphasize that we are powerless over people, places and things. I have needed to keep the focus on myself as I have worked through the 12 action steps. In the event that I choose to focus on another person, place, event, institution or thing I will miss the benefit that can be gained as a result of my working through the 12 action steps.

All material presented on Second Chance to Live is copyright and cannot be copied, reproduced, or distributed in any way without the express, written consent of Craig J. Phillips, MRC, BA

Second Chance to Live – Why Do I React?

Hello and welcome back to Second Chance to Live. I am delighted to see that you decided to stop by and visit with me. Please remember that you are always welcome around my table. Earlier today I became aware of some information that may result in my having to make some major changes in my world. Consequently, I have experienced various emotions. These emotions resulted in my becoming restless, irritable and discontent.

Based on my previous experience and some wise counsel I realized that I needed to go to a support group meeting so that I could quiet my unrest. As I listened and reflected I regained my center.

Through out my life’s experience, I have come to believe that many of my present day reactions to people, places and situations are directly linked to my previous experiences with people, places and situations. My present day reactions may be the result of specific smells, sounds or situations that were associated with an event or a person from my past. Consequently, I may find myself reacting in such a way that has little to do with my present circumstances.

For many years I was oblivious to the impact that memories had upon my life. Consequently I found myself being blind sided by the emotions that were attached to those memories. In essence, my emotionally charged memories were creating present day difficulties. For sake of a better word, I will call these emotionally charged memories triggers. Triggers are tripped when I have experiences that remind me of those emotionally charge memories.

I found that my triggers interfere with my present day living because my reactions were in response to those emotionally charged memories.

Through my process I have grown in my awareness. I have found that triggers bring about specific responses, almost in knee jerk fashion. Triggers open the door to unconscious messages that catalyze my reactions. These reactions are emotionally charged and susceptible to a lack of rational. In my experience I have found a common link between my emotionally charged memories and my present day reactions – my resentments.

The common thread that links me to my emotionally charged memories and my present day reactions are my resentments.

As I have grown in my awareness I have come to realize that in order to be free from the pain of my resentments I need to be rigorously honest with myself. Through my experience I have employed strategies that have worked for many people who have come before me. Thank God that I was led to a practical solution that could relieve me from the burden of my resentments. Practically speaking, I found that I needed to make a list of the people that I have had held resentments towards through out my lifetime. In my process I started by examining my family history, my work history, my academic pursuits, my relationships and my involvement with various churches.

Apart from being proactive in my own process I perpetuate the pain I am seeking to avoid.

I completed the exercise of identifying my resentments by examining specific periods of time in my life. In my experience I divided these time periods into manageable segments: ages 0-6, 6-12, 12-18, 18-24, 24-30, 30- 40 and 40- present. The exercise of listing the people that I held resentful towards was not done to blame or point the finger in anyone’s direction, or for purposes of berating myself, but to look for patterns. Through becoming aware of the pattern (s) and how I related to my environment (s), I have been able to understand why I reacted to various people, places and situations during those times in my life.

When I examined why I reacted to those individuals, places, and institutions I was able to own my resentments. As I have been able to own my resentments I have needed to examine why I held those resentments towards people, places and institutions. Through my process, I have come to understand that the majority of my resentments were found in the bank of my unrealistic expectations that I had held in deposit for too many years.

In my experience I found that I needed to be accountable to and for my resentments before I could be relieved from the pain of my unrealistic expectations. As I have been relieved from the burden of my resentment (s) I have been set free from many of the triggers that once riddled my life. In the process I have been able to clean up the wreckage of the past through making amends both to others and to myself. Through my awareness I have grown to recognize that my present day reactions to people, places and institutions may have more to do with the resentments from my past.

All material presented on Second Chance to Live is copyright and cannot be copied, reproduced, or distributed in any way without the express, written consent of Craig J. Phillips, MRC, BA

Second Chance to Live – The Truth about Humiliation and Humility

Per a comment that I received in response to my article, Traumatic Brain Injury and Humility I have made the decision to reprint the article under the above title. My motivation is to make the information available to anyone on the World Wide Web who may have been deceived by the voice of humiliation.

Over the course of time, the concept of humility has been confused by the dictates of humiliation. For many years I allowed the voice of humiliation to direct my steps. The voice of humiliation demanded that I do more – to justify my existence — even as I argued with my internal sense of shame. In my attempt to quiet the chiding voice of humiliation I focused on the expectations that were demanded of me.

Humiliation kept me weighed down as I focused on the could of (s), should of (s), and would of (s) of my life. Humiliation promoted an endless sense of hopelessness.

Through my process I have grown in my awareness. My awareness revealed stark distinctions between humiliation and humility. Consequently, I have come to recognize the hidden agenda set forth by humiliation. Humiliations agenda seeks to tear down, while humility’s agenda seeks to build up. Humiliation decries the human spirit, where as humility triumphs in the human spirit. Humiliation’s motive is to shame and strip the individual of their initiation to create, while humility longs to entrust and empower.

Humiliation’s motive is to undermine trust – trust in the process, in a loving God and in oneself. Humiliations goal is to control through the mechanism of shame. Humiliation’s center is found in the abyss of fear.

Humiliation seeks to repress resiliency, where as humility promotes hope. Humiliation undermines and isolates, while humility embraces inclusion. Humiliation suppresses the desire to explore through the fear of failure where as humility inspires the individual to push off from the shore. Humiliation minimizes progress through doubt and denial, while humility empowers expression through faith and trust. Humiliation by nature endeavors to disparage and minimize while humility champions hopes and dreams.

Humiliation dismisses with contempt while humility rewards with grace and truth.

For many years I cowered under the insinuations made by humiliation. Because I did not know better I felt helpless under the onslaught of humiliations contemptuous nature. I continued to be bullied by humiliation’s dictates until the day I was introduced to humility. Through my new relationship with humility I have come to recognize humility’s gentle nature. Humility — in turn — has benevolently ushered me away from the unreasonable dictates set forth by humiliation

As I have gotten to know humility I have been coaxed to trust the process. No demands have made of me through our relationship. Humility instead has allowed our relationship to develop naturally. As I have grown in my trust of humility I have learned how to trust a loving God and His guidance. I have also come to value my opinion, because I now matter. Consequently, I have learned to trust myself. Humility has given me the dignity to learn from my experience. Humility cheers me on as I grow through my experience.

Humility has taught me to value my efforts. Humility has shown me a new way of life. I am now free to pursue excellence with out any fear of reprisal. Humility spurs me on with encouragement because I know that I am accepted. Humility supports me with each new step that I take as I move toward my destiny. Humility provides a haven of assurance because I know that I do not have to be more than to be enough. Humility releases me to value my process, because I no longer need to judge my efforts.

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